If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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