Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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