i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
