i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
