did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
