Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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