Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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