I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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