He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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