Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
