never play flip cup with pint glasses
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
