I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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