I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
