she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
