Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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