We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
