Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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