I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
