it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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