i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
