the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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