While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize