You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
