so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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