Someone shit on the floor
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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