So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i need some magic done to my vagina
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
