This is not my ceiling
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
