matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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