so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
