everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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