Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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