Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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