Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
