i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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