but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize