Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
