When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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