Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
