I'm really into asian looking animals
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pooping to opera.
Randomize