so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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