you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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