3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
