Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
