You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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