I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
