It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
