I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
