he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
