I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
