I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
