i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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