i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How external is "for external use only"?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
