I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize