Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
