Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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