Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
