I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
