If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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