I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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