Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
