Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize