VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
