You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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