franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
