you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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