I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
