Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
