Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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