I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize